Bad Radio

Alternate Title: My Wife and Kids are Out of Town and I'm Bored. Please Hurry Home!

Here's the scenario. Someone gave me $3 trillion dollars. I tithed it, gave to missions and orphan care, put some away for savings and the family and bought UFC tickets. I have to spend the rest of it so I decide to buy several radio stations all over the country. Here they are.

1. 860 The Score - Dallas' Ticket for Sports Talk

24/7 of guys who can't hardly make it up the stairs without a smoke break arguing about sports.

2. Rock 101 - Topeka's Rock Station

Every Tuesday is Two for Tuesday and we get the Led out every night at 10.

3. 99.7 The Glitter - Orlando's Hit Music

Annoying morning show hosts, tons of cool laser sounds between songs and Taylor Swift every 30 minutes.

4. 101 The Hat - Houston's Best Country

Same as 99.7 The Glitter.

5. 89.5 The Lamb - Chicago's Chipper Christian Station

Same as 99.7 The Glitter and 101 The Hat but take away Taylor Swift and replace her with Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel". Also, all DJs will have names like KC and Missy and will be disgustingly happy all the time.

If I ever become a trillionaire, radio will never be the same. No wait, it would be exactly the same. Thank you iPod!