Thursday, January 20, 2011

I'm Just Saying

I don’t get the phrase, “I’m just saying.” We've all heard it said and most of us have even used it from time to time. For those who have been too busy working on their end times charts or watching The Bachelor to make note of popular phrases, the I'm Just Saying Phrase is usually slapped on at the end of some form of an insult, apparently in an attempt to soften the sting a little. Kind of like when your boss fires you on your day off but tells you, "We wish you nothing but the best." It goes something like this.

“Your new girlfriend looks like Danny DeVito with a wig. I’m just saying.”

"Please don't make this story you are about to tell very long. Trying to follow your ramblings makes me dumber. I'm just saying."

"That baby shouldn't have been laying there in the first place. I'm just saying."

Oh, you were “just saying”. Now it all makes sense. I was just about to get a tack hammer and inflict physical harm upon you but since you were “just saying”, it’s all good.

The “I’m just saying” phrase is in a long line of ridiculous phrases that are used a lot but upon closer examination make no sense whatsoever.

Another phrase of this sort is, "It is what it is." If you are a really good athlete, whatever pro team drafts you out of college makes you sit in a room for twelve hours one day and learn this phrase. For athletes who can't read a zone blitz or avoid smacking around their girlfriends this is the wonder drug. All mistakes are erased simply by uttering this simple phrase. Here's how it works.

Reporter: "In the last five minutes of the fourth quarter you blew a certain victory by fumbling two snaps, throwing two interceptions and head butting your coach. What happened?"

Athlete: "It is what it is. We've just got to take it one game at a time from here on out."

(Note: Taking it one game at a time is another classic athlete phrase. Is there any other way to take the remainder of your schedule? Has a team ever played the final four games of the season at the same time? I digress.)

Thanks for clearing things up for us with your It Is What It Is Phrase. Your meltdown only looked so bad because I was thinking that it is not what it is. I'm starting to see it a little better now. My bad.

If you are an athlete, or any human being over the age of 7 for that matter, and you feel the phrase "It is what it is" about to come out of your mouth stop yourself quickly and instead, say, "Jabba gooey jabba pringle pepsi funyon American Chopper."

Trust me on this. It just sounds better.

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