Monday, January 18, 2010

Chick Flick Essentials

I haven't seen a lot of chick flicks but I saw one this past weekend. Watching this movie actually proved quite productive for me. Now, based on this viewing and a few others that I remember, I'm able to offer these simple yet essential ingredients for anyone wishing to make millions of dollars at the box office from love sick females. I hope this helps.

1. The Star: This is the female lead character. Although she is smart, well-groomed and gainfully employed, for some reason, she has yet to find her soul mate.

2. The Friend: This is the one that gets away with saying and doing what The Star would never even consider. If this character is a male, he's got to be an over the top femme type. If it's a girl, she has to be either an alcoholic or highly promiscuous or both.

3. The Dead Person: Someone close to The Star has to have died. An older relative that died after a good long life wont work. The Dead Person has to have died during The Star's kindergarten graduation or some other freakishly painful time and in some freakishly painful way.

4. The Memento: This is something that The Dead Person left behind for The Star. It doesn't matter how but you have to find a way to make this item come into play at the end of your story.

5. The Terribly Flawed Beefcake: This guy has got it all but he's a jerk. For some reason, The Star feels the need to cash in 30 plus years worth of chips on this guy. Most of the movie is spent making you think that she will do just that. Not so fast my friend!

6. The Looser: This is the guy that The Star should be with but she just can't do it. Even though he looks like Rob Lowe with messed up hair, The Star wont give The Looser the time of day. Maybe it's this kind of poor decision making that has gotten The Star where she is today. Extra credit if The Looser is played by Mr. Lowe himself.

7. The Over the Top Mean Lady: Preferably this character will be The Star's boss. She has to be white, older and very rich. No one is this mean and snooty in real life. Extra credit if this character is played by Glen Close.

8. The Wedding: This is the point where we are led to believe that The Star finally flakes out for good and marries The Terribly Flawed Beefcake.

9. The Rain Machine: This is of utmost importance. You'll need this when The Star bails out on the wedding and searches for The Looser at item number ten.

10. The Airport/Train Station/Bus Terminal: This is where things finally work out for the good and The Star finally comes to her senses in regards to The Looser. Extra Credit if The Over the Top Mean Lady happens to see this sweet reunion and somehow gets in the way of airplane/train/bus.

Happy filming.

And don't forget the rain machine!

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